The Exorcist Doctor

Chapter 156 - To be Despicable // Worth Looking At

Well past midnight—when even Bleakhearth’s richest lights had the decency to dim a little—Vivi found herself sitting on the edge of a roof so tall and so offensively expensive that she was fairly certain the mansion beneath them had more chandeliers than some Vharnish chapels.

The roof sloped only slightly, but that didn’t make it feel safe. The edge dropped away into a golden street ten meters below lined with shuttered shops, moth-shaped lamps, and the occasional black carriage gliding by. From up here, the western ward looked quieter, but only a little bit. Just a little. Everything still glittered with greed and appetite, so she sat very straight and very carefully, trying not to look down or too far out too often.

But beside her, Gael seemed perfectly content to dine above a deadly fall like this. He had one leg dangling over the edge, one knee bent, and a stack of paper bags and lacquered food containers spread around him.

“Saintess, even the takeaway bags here are fancy,” he said cheerfully, ripping the bags open and peering inside a few boxes. “Look at this. Gold trimming and a little ribbon on the soup lid? Hah! They’d put velvet socks on a corpse if they think it’d pay extra.”

Vivi accepted the container he handed her with a murmur of thanks, though her hands were still a little shaky from the earlier fight. She really didn’t feel like eating anything more tonight, but the food she was handed was some late-night roast over dark rice with sweet onions and a glossy glaze. She couldn’t very well let it all go to waste, especially considering Gael seemed to have ordered enough food for five people.

He was already halfway through his own portion of some by the time she gathered herself enough to take a bite. Then he started rambling. Truth be told, it was difficult for her to match his speed. It sounded like he was ranting—something about how the last movie he and Maeve watched had a ‘cowardly’ ending, and that the villain had ‘all the charisma of a damp boot’, and that Maeve somehow liked the lighting choices in the movie even though the story had been, in fact, ‘dogshit dressed up in a nice coat’.

She listened despite herself. There was something oddly easy about listening to the man ramble when the danger had passed, because his voice never stayed still. It wandered, doubled back, bit at its own tail, and yet somehow always remained cheerful, like his thoughts were too restless to line up properly.

Then the bloodshackle around his ankle jerked, and it was sudden enough that he hissed and nearly sloshed sauce down the front of his coat. His head snapped down towards the metal clasp, then over the edge of the roof, where the chain trailed down and down and vanished somewhere through a narrow alley far below.

He jerked his leg sharply back.

“What the hell is she doing over there?” he muttered. “Always so annoying. I bet Jin doesn’t…”

He trailed off mid-complain when his gaze dropped to Vivi’s ankle. Then it went to her other ankle as though a second shackle might be hiding there.

“.Huh,” he said.

“What?” she said.

“Where’s your chain?”

“I’m detached from Jin right now.”

“... Hah?” Gael kept staring at her chainless ankle clasp. “You can do that?”

Vivi blinked back. “You can detach from your partner. There’s this… um, button on the side. Here. You can press it and temporarily detach from your partner if there’s something you really need to do alone.”

“You can do that?” he said again.

“You… didn’t know?”

“Why the fuck would I know that?”

“Didn’t Maeve take Exorcist training? The instructors tell all of us when we get assigned our real partners.”

“Oh. Eh. That makes sense. She flunked out of the final test, so I guess she didn’t get the memo,” he muttered. “Fuckkkk. You mean we could’ve disconnected literally any time we wanted? That’s so lame, bless the Saintess—”

“How did you do your own things if you didn’t know, though?” she asked, tilting her head. “What if… you want to sleep and Maeve wants to go shopping?”

“Well, I’ll be somewhere close by, I guess.”

“But what if she wants to take a bath and you want to walk around?”

“Well, I’ll be in the bath too. Heh.”

“But what if she wants to read and you want to go outside and do whatever you want to do, but completely alone?”

“Tough look, then. One of us has gotta die, and it won’t be me.”

“But what if you just want to do something really, really stupid?”

“I did stupid things in public all the time even before I met her,” he said. “I’ve downed 89% alcohol with my ass, I’ve committed light bioterrorism at the Twilight Orphanage, I’ve dissected Dominzak the frontyard grandpa before, I’ve—

“Stop, stop, stop.” She held up a hand, feeling a dull headache start to form. “Please, just… stop talking—”

“I knew it,” he said, grin widening instantly. “You are having a spat with Jin.” Then he barked out a laugh so sharp and delighted it bounced off the roof tiles. Vivi’s ears went hot.

“It’s not about…” she began, then stopped with her eyes glum—because it was exactly that, and they both knew it.

She looked down at her food instead, shoulders drawing in.

“... I don’t know if you know, but I only signed up to be an Exorcist Host because I wanted to chase Jin as a husband,” she began quietly. “I’m the fifth daughter of a branch household under House Thornebed. My father is the younger brother to the eldest son in the—”

“No, I already know that,” Gael interrupted mid-chew.

Vivi glanced at him. “You do?”

“Uh-huh.” He shoveled another bite of lamb into his mouth, then opened another dinner box beside him. “Your backstory and Jin’s are hot gossip in Blightmarch. Everybody knows already.”

She stared. “Everbody?”

“Mm… I think so.” Then he began counting off on his fingers between bites. “Fergal knows because Cara told him, his Five Fingers know because he told them, most of the Saint’s Hands know because the Five Fingers told them, the kids know because they were there, a bunch of the Rot Merchants know because Evelyn’s been talking to them, the triple crows definitely know, Croaky the backyard aphrodisiac knows because I told him, the Gulchers know because the Rot Merchants told them, the rats know because Liorin told them—”

“Stop, stop, stop, I get it already—”

He shrugged. “Well, you’re a Spider. You know how hard it is to keep a secret.”

Vivi groaned softly into her hands, then dragged them down and tried to gather what remained of her dignity back into one piece. The effort didn’t take, and her shoulders sagged even more instead.

“So you must think I’m a despicable lady,” she mumbled. “I have neither grand designs like you do with your elixir, nor do I have anything to build and strengthen past my time like Fergal does with the Saint’s Hands. I don’t even particularly enjoy exorcising Myrmurs, like Liorin enjoys taking care of his trees. I just want to charm Jin and make him abandon his job so we can go back up and get married like we were supposed to. What ‘doing good for the people’, right?”

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Gael opened his mouth to say something, but Vivi cut him off.

“Please don’t tell me what Maeve told me in Blightmarch, that none of you are doing this purely to help people,” she said. “That’s not true, and you know it. All of you are… good people doing good things. Maybe not with the purest of intentions, no, but what you do leads to people being… happier.”

Her gaze dropped again.

“But… I don’t even have that,” she said. “I want Jin to stop being an Exorcist. If he quits, then that’s one less Exorcist chasing Myrmurs. That means more of them running free, and more people dying. What I want to do won’t lead to people being happier, and…”

She lost her train of thought.

What was it she wanted to ask Gael, anyways?

“... I don’t know what I want anymore,” she finally whispered. “I thought I was ready to do whatever it took to charm Jin and make him quit fighting, but the longer I stay down here—and the longer I see the plights of Bharncair—I can’t help but think… maybe I should just bite the bullet and give up.” She swallowed. “Maybe I should just let Jin live as he wants, and I’ll just go back to Vharnveil and… start all over again.”

And so she met Gael’s gaze at last.

“What… do you think?” she asked. “Should I continue to ‘help’ Jin, or should I just leave?”

To that, Gael went quiet for just a second.

“... Well, you are pretty vain if you put it that way, but I gotta ask:” he said, “do you still not know why Jin wants to find the source of the artificial Myrmur Hosts as badly as I do?”

Vivi hesitated. That was all the answer she needed to give for Gael to bark out a short, incredulous chuckle.

“Damn. Just about everybody in Blightmarch knows at this point, but you still don’t, eh?”

She felt the question rising at once, and it nearly reached her lips.

What reason?

What does Jin want?

Why’s he chasing this with that ugly, stubborn violence of his?

Why’s he willing to keep going until his body becomes half-broken and his temper becomes completely ruined?

She’d wanted to know once upon a time. Of course she had. There’d always been this little hunger in her whenever his name and the word ‘why’ started circling too close together, but she’d missed her chance when they were first partnered together, and now that the answer seemed near enough to touch—because apparentlyeveryone else knew already—she found herself going still.

Did she want to know?

If she knew why, would it make her feel even worse for still wanting to pull him back home? Would she want to give up on trying to charm him and tear him away from the Exorcist life?

Maybe… I don’t want to know.

Maybe I'll lose my resolve if I—

“But, if you’re actually asking for my opinion,” Gael suddenly said, waving an idle hand at her, “I’d rather you keep helping Jin and keep trying to charm him so he quits being an Exorcist.”

Vivi looked up so fast she nearly dropped her food.

That was not the answer she’d been expecting. Not remotely. If anyone in Bharncair had earned the right to tell her to stop being foolish and go home, it was probably the drunken Raven beside her—the same one who’d devised an elixir potent enough to actually save Myrmur Hosts. She’d asked for his opinion, yes, but she’d been bracing for mockery. Or ridicule.

Instead, she got… a ‘yes’?

But Gael didn’t seem to have any intent on elaborating, because he only shrugged and kept on eating.

She gritted her teeth.

“... Why?” she asked, breathless. “Why would you… why are you—”

“Because who the hell do you think I am?” he said, mouth full of fish as he pointed at himself with his chopsticks. “The one to purge all Myrmurs from this world will be me, Gael Halloway, the best godsdamned doctor in Bharncair. I don’t need no upper city Exorcist to do my job for me. Whether Jin keeps working as an Exorcist doesn’t matter a single bit—with or without him, I’d still save all of your asses.” Then he laughed, pulling out a small flask of alcohol from his coat and guzzling it down. “In fact, since I plan on getting rid of exorcising as a job completely in the future, it’ll actually be good for you to get Jin out of this business before he goes jobless. We all need multiple income streams now to keep up with… uh, inflation or something.”

He laughed again after saying it, light and confident and a little too loud for the hour. The absurdity of his claim should’ve flattened itself against reality and died there. He was drunk. He was probably drugged out of his mind as well given how clumsy he was handling his chopstick, and yet…

Vivi looked at him and knew he meant every word.

He genuinely believed he could wipe out all Myrmurs with his elixir.

Because you’re a Raven?

Because you’re a genius?

“... How ludicrous,” she whispered, poking at her food. “Absolutely… ludicrous.”

A small laugh rose out of her. She took another bite of her food, still smiling weakly through it, and before she knew it, her laugh broke at the edges. She wiped at one eye quickly when it turned warm, but then the other turned warm as well, and she started sniffling. Her nose stung. Her eyes watered shamelessly while she chewed.

It was humiliating.

This Raven—this man—knew exactly what it was he wanted, and she was supposed to be the clear-minded, high-class lady here?

Stupid.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

But Gael, of course, merely kept on eating with cheer.

“And now that we’ve established what I want from you and Jin, here’s the deal:” he said, mouth still half full, “I know the type of man Jin is.”

She swallowed and rubbed at her eyes with the back of her hand, still trying to hide her tears. “You… You do?”

“No shit. He’s a down-under man.”

“That doesn’t mean… what?”

“It means he’s a Bharnish man at heart, so he likes strong people. He likes people who can pull their own weight,” he explained. “As far as I know, you’ve been going about charming him the completely wrong way. Like, you’re really, really far off.”

“Uh… huh?”

“Yeah. Don’t think I don’t see you keep trying to appeal to him with your girly, dainty, upper-city side. Unfortunately for you, Jin doesn’t give a single flaming shit about all that,” he said. Her mouth parted in disbelief, but before she could interrupt, he kept going. “Look, you might be a Vharnish lady who grew up in wealth and lace and posture and all that jazz, but you’re the same as Maeve when she first came down here: you keep forgetting you’re in Bharncair now, jackass. Nobody here gives a shit about your elegance. You don’t have to sit with your legs folded under you while we’re eating. You do, however, have to know how to fight. Every man, woman, and child in this city knows how to fight— and you can’t.”

So Gael tilted his head at her, grinning from ear to ear.

“Only when you can hold your ground as his equal will Jin even bother to look at you as a romantic partner,” he said. “So here’s a deal I’m only gonna offer to you once: I’ll spar with you every once in a while, give you some tips and tricks, and in return, you’re gonna teach me more about what former Vharnish ladies like as presents.”

Vivi blinked.

“Presents?’

“Yeah.” He scratched the back of his head, grimacing as he cracked his neck. “I’ve been giving Maeve too many great gifts for our chained-together anniversary two years in a row now, and I have just the faintest suspicion my next gift won’t hit the mark. That’s a dangerous precedent to set, so I’m gonna need an expert opinion. You qualify.”

She stared at him for a long second.

Then, against all reason, she laughed again.

Here she was, on a mansion’s roof in Bleakhearth, discussing how to become stronger and more marriageable to one man by tutoring another man on anniversary gift etiquette.

Ludicrous? Sure.

But then again, she was in Bharncair.

“... Alright,” she said quietly, her voice trembling just a little as she dipped her head. “Please… help me get stronger so I can continue to be despicable.”

He gave her a theatrical, mocking bow. “It’ll be my pleasure, my lady. While we’re on the topic, though, you wanna know Jin’s backstory? If you want, I can—”

She shook her head immediately, and for the first time in a while, that felt like a decision she wouldn’t regret.

Maybe.

Probably not.

“I just… wanna hear it from Jin himself, if that’s fine with you,” she mumbled. She mustered up the strength to give Gael a small smile in return. “If I’m to charm him with my Bharnish wits, I’ll have to at least be able to do that much, right?”